Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
