you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
