Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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