By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
