your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
