She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
