Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
