Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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