I want to make a zoo with you.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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