You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
