I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
