there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
