Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
