is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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