Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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