Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
