If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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