WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
