Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
