I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
