So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
