How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
