Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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