plz talk dirty to me
dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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