Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
