I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
