you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
