Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Randomize
