and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Randomize
