maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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