I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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