I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
