I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
