Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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