You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros, bitch!
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
