I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
