He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
