OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
