I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Tornado booty call.. dedication
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
