bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
