My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Floor bacon is actually really good
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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