moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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