If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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