so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
