I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
