So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
