i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
