i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Michael Bay diarrhea
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
