but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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