It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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