Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
