Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
