yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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