i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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