So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Randomize
