don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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